I’ve been reading a book recently by Heidi Baker called “Compelled by Love” (Thanks Uncle Graham and Auntie Jen!).  I have been so challenged at the countless stories of God supernaturally providing when there isn’t enough “physical” food to provide for everyone that’s hungry.  I am challenged in two ways: one – I rarely have to expect God to show up because I have the resources to fill the gaps, are my resources blocking or limiting my perception of God as provider and two – I don’t have the faith to believe that God will show up. In theory I do, but I have never prayed or expected this provision and so my actions suggest otherwise.  What is every time I made a pot of food, I prayed multiplication over it to feed the hungry and homeless living on my street?  What if, whilst sitting with one of my (hungry) girls in Manenberg, I had faith that one slice of bread could become twenty?  How would that change my experience and faith in God? What would it do to world hunger, if we prayed more faith-filled prayers of provision over every stew or casserole we make?

Our response to poverty cannot be money, but a God that loves.

My parents also believe in family and I had the privilege over Christmas of watching my two families join hands and celebrate.  This Christmas, my folks came to visit me (a week before the rest of the McVittie clan arrived) and wanted to see where I work and who I work with.  There is no (or few) better way of building relationships than over food so I had the joy of watching my parents cook and serve lunch to my Manenberg family and eat with them.  All the trimmings for a traditional British Christmas dinner plus a bunch of my favourite people made for a wonderful celebration of family!

From there I went on holiday and had a pretty busy 3 weeks with travels, beach visits, braais (bbqs) and family fun!  Although not particularly restful in the conventional sense (sorry guys) it was so great to explore a bit more of South Africa and have a bit of time to reflect on the year that’s been and the one to come.

Fusion this year

For me this year is about building a team of women with a heart and desire to serve the young, broken women of Manenberg.  My heart is to see Fusion’s response to women broaden and deepen as we are seeing with the guy’s ministry.  This year, the guys are opening a residential home for 3 or 4 young guys.  This has come from years of praying and slogging at building beautiful relationships with some of the most hurting guys in Manenberg but not being able to provide them with one of the most significant things that they need – time and space to heal.

Please pray with us as we develop the programmes, discipleship material and other legalities that need to be in place before we open.

Pray for supernatural energy and the love of the Father to fill us each day as we step into His Kingdom work

Pray that we discern the right guys to enter the house

Pray that God raises up stonking House Parents to re-parent and love these guys

Pray that there is a move of God in the hearts of women in Manenberg to want to serve

Pray that we would begin to see last fruit from the years of tears, relationships and glimmers of breakthrough – that there would be a sustained and replicable cycle that grows in Manenberg of broken young people becoming disciples, who make disciples, who make disciples…

….more stories of hope and transformation to come VERY soon…

In the last 7 months, God has been redeeming that story – I think partly because I have a bit more distance from those painful times but I can now see where He was working when I couldn’t see His hands, where I made mistakes I was too proud to acknowledge, and where the enemy jumped into any open space creating confusion, doubt and fear in my already muddled mind.  That’s not to say that there aren’t places that remain a mystery to me…there are definitely a few big clangers, but I am at peace knowing my Father sees way beyond my limited sight.  The place I find myself now is one that I have been dreaming about from when I was (more of) a youngster.  A job where I work with broken young women, a job where I can wear jeans (sorry dad, no trouser suits!) and in a community where I am supported, challenged and allowed to ask difficult questions with people who are wrestling with the same things.

The last couple of months in Fusion have been busy and interesting and difficult for me.

Busy…because we’ve been looking for (and found) a new staff member.  We welcomed Patrick onto our team at the beginning of September.  He’s a guy from Manenberg and brings something totally new to the team; God has really been building and growing our team both in physically and spiritually, I believe.  We are seeing how our skills, gifts and passions can work together and how much unity and agreement is important for the work we do.

The month has also been interesting and difficult because I felt like I had to step back from the girls for a bit and just pray for them.  It’s been hard watching things deteriorate but in the last couple of weeks I have really started to see God’s faithfulness and little glimmers of breakthrough!  Phew.

One such answer to my prayers was a lady friend from Manenberg who has just joined me in meeting with the girls; her story is one that is so similar to the girls we work with but it a real story of hope and change…perhaps one day I’ll ask if I can share it on here…but it’s great to have another female to partner with me.  I’ve also begun to reconnect more officially with my girls – this means starting to encourage them to talk things out, often holding their hands as they take significant steps and celebrating with them over even the smallest victories, of which there have been a couple.  Thank you Jesus!

Fusion is at a place in its life where we feel like we’re on the cusp of something exciting…we won’t leave God alone until we start to see more fruit in the lives of the young people we’re working with!  I believe this next season is one of movement.  It’s time for us to take all of our reflections, learnings and mistakes and move forward.  It’s time for us to move to being in Manenberg the majority of our time.  It’s time for us to grow in size and stature.  Practically speaking, this means becoming more sustainable in terms of support, building capacity within our team, particularly our Manenberg based team and starting to implement some of the dreams that have been brewing.

We are moving towards setting up a residential Discipleship House in Manenberg; various partnerships and plans are under way for that but in the interim, we are hoping to pilot a small-scale version with a few guys that we’ve been working with.  This is a pretty big and bold step for us which really needs to be covered in prayer… the fight for these young men’s lives is not an easy one and the opposition to their transformation is huge.  Please stand with us and pray for unity as a team; that we start to see victories and fruit and that we only do what we see the Father doing.

…if you would like to follow more of Fusion’s journey (and get a slightly different perspective), check out Pete’s blog http://projectcapetown.org/blog or check out his last prayer letter http://us2.campaign-archive2.com/?u=bdc6dab02ee187711950a70f0&id=a0230487ca …if you’d like to receive his prayer letter, you can email him through the projectcapetown website or let me know and I’ll pass it on…

 We are seeking a full-time field worker to join the Fusion project based at The Warehouse premises in Wetton. Fusion is a prayer-based project who seeks to change the lives of broken young people (high-risk youth) by restoring their dignity and building meaningful relationships.

The position would be to support a community development worker in street-based outreach to high-risk youth in Manenberg; to be an active participant in the formation of a praying intentional community that will exist for high-risk youth as they seek to be restored.

Requirements of position

• Mature follower of Jesus with a vibrant faith and prayer-life
• An active member of a local church
• Good written and verbal communication skills in English and Afrikaans
• Computer literacy
• Passion to work with high-risk youth
• Relational
• Relevant experience working in this context would be helpful
• Have or are pursuing a valid driver’s licence
• Must live in Manenberg

Applications should include a CV, two references from previous employers and your minister/pastor, and a letter outlining why you are applying for this job.

Applications can be delivered or mailed to Fusion, The Warehouse, 12 Plantation Road, Wetton, 7780 or emailed to clare@warehouse.org.za

 Call The Warehouse on (021) 761 1168 or Clare on 072 605 2857 or Jonathan on 078 342 2100 for more information

Closing date for applications is Friday 19^th August 2011. Please note that only shortlisted candidates will be contacted.

My mind was racing:

You should give this guy a lift

I don’t know who this guy is or what just happened

But he’s just been stabbed Clare

Yes but I’m alone, I’m vulnerable

He’s bleeding

He might have a knife, he might have a gun

The friend looked at me; he didn’t even approach my car.  Maybe he knew it wasn’t safe for me to take them in my car, or maybe he knew I’d only say no.  The lights turned green and in that moment I decided that my security was more valuable than that guy’s life.  You can rationalise it and say that I made a wise decision, or that someone else would help him…but I’m pretty confident I heard God’s prompting and chose to say no.  It’s too easy to say no.

I’ve thought about that decision a lot in the last few days and had many interesting conversations about it – I am not beating myself up about it, I know God is gracious and that it is a privilege to respond to His promptings and I trust that even though I didn’t, someone else did.  But, the point is that “no” is too often our decision, to say no; to choose to not be interrupted or inconvenienced; to value our own lives over someone else.  What I am called to, not just here in Cape Town but in life, is to no longer live for myself (I have a blog title that suggests that is the case!) and so that means making the decisions that don’t make sense.

‘I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me [Jesus]—you did it to me.’

————————–

The other side of the coin which I face day-to-day with the girls I’m working with is knowing when no is the right answer, when me saying yes over and over again only allows a destructive cycle to continue.  To be honest, it’s one of my biggest struggles as part of Fusion.  Everything in me wants to fix problems, mend holes, and always be available and always say yes but what that means is that I am more invested in the process of change than the girls, and that I stop them from seeing that they must own the process with or without me.  It’s such a fine line to tread – these girls needs unconditional love and support, drugs have impacted their ability to make rational decisions but with no tough love or discipline, I am actually hurting them more than helping.

Pray for us as we journey with incredibly broken young people, that our compassion and desire to help would be full of wisdom and hearing God’s voice.  With my dilemma at the traffic lights and with the girls, the “wisdom” the world teaches is not enough – it is marked by fear, judgement, guilt and good intentions…the answer is hearing God and being obedient to His voice.  As my ear tunes to Him, would my feet and hands follow.

…watch this space for a slightly more light-hearted “this is my life” style blog, with pictures, in the not too distant future!

I wake up and enjoy a quick jog in the fresh Cape Town morning air, gazing at the mountain as the sun rises over it and pondering life…then I wake up to my 5^th snooze alarm and realise I really should have been up half an hour ago!  The Warehouse kicks off at 8.30am with an hour of community prayer/worship/Jesus time which often overshoots slightly but I usually make it to my desk by 10…latest. Promise.

I thought it might be nice to share with you a little of what my life is starting to look like here…by no means will this be a “regular” day but a combination of some activities thrown together – but you get the idea.

10am – team Fusion check in – this usually involves lots of chatting and prayer, not a bad combo right?  Because we’re in the process of trying to buy/redevelop/learn how to run a Discipleship House, a lot of our time is consumed talking about it and the strategic planning that goes with it – inspiring but quite “desk-heavy”.  The other conversation will be around the high-risk youth that we’re walking with; how the Girls’ group went the day before, what the boys have been talking about, who hasn’t shown up, what do we do when they don’t show up, asking God for the strategy with each person and sharing in the joys, recognising where God is moving, re-energising and spurring one another on to another day of loving our guys and girls.

I can’t really say it enough but I love team Fusion.  These last few weeks have been hard for me and the girls where I am needing to go to God to remove any bitterness or anger that builds in me quite regularly – when the girls don’t show, or lie, or move “backwards” (in my humble opinion – thank you God that you see the bigger picture!) but my team are there, to listen to me rant, to pray, to challenge.  We can’t do this alone…and I don’t mean Fusion specifically…I mean us, people.  When I can’t hear God for the girls, Jonno will, when Jonno can’t see the solution for all the mess, Pete will, when Pete doesn’t have a car, Clare does! Anyway…

11.30am – admin, emails and business.  This is where (on a good day) reports get written, phone calls get followed up and preparations get completed for Girls’ group.  In many ways, the least exciting part of the day but necessary and often the time where the most significant conversations actually happen around what we do…where we try to put on paper what we do and need to figure out why we do what we do…and so on…

1.00pm – Lunch time!  Sometimes we’re really good and eat lunch together, other times people just can’t wait til 1pm…I usually get to enjoy delectable leftovers from one of the girls I live with.  There’s not really much more to say about lunch, it’s lunch.

I’m living with three other girls in a wee house in a suburb called Rondebosch and will be here until mid-June.  They are very kind, very busy but I am so enjoying being around the: the deep chats, the great food, the efforts they go to to recycle, live ethically and look after and love each other.

1.45pm – this is where I start to wonder and hope that the girls will show up – the last few weeks have been full of rejection and disappointment for me.  I am praying that the girls would see the freedom that they are being offered and that they would realise that even showing up is a step in the right direction.

2.00pm – Girls’ group.  After a catch up, we begin.  Currently we are trying to start walking through the bigger picture of the Bible…to see that the story is about God and his never-ending pursuit for those he loves.  This week we are talking about creation – that God breathed life into us and created us to look like him.  These are also times of sharing in struggles, frustrations and victories…pray for us!

3.30pm – back to the office for some reflection and finishing of any admin.  Work technically ends at 4.30pm but Fusion often runs after hours a little…

5.00 – 7.00pm (Wednesday) – Fusion disciplers’ training.  This is where we get together with mentors and ex high risk youths who are ready to start discipling a guy or girl.  During this time we share Fusion’s vision, values and do some teaching/training on how we do discipleship.

Pray that God would guide our steps to new folks to join with us from Manenberg.  We have recently(ish) found a brilliant wee family who are working with us, Dominic and Fatiema – they are such a blessing to us, their joy and passion spurs us on.  Despite the frustrations I have shared, I continue to love coming into work each day, I continue to be convinced that this is exactly where God wants me to be right now, and I continue to have hope…that God who is making my joy complete will make my girls’ joy complete – “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Saviour, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”

So that’s my day.

I was reminded in pray-time at the Warehouse last week of the mocking and abuse of Jesus’ name when he was being crucified.  Sometimes I read that passage and feel so pious that I don’t laugh at God, that my eyes are open to his goodness, that I know his name.  And the thing is, as His disciple, I am trying to know His name better, to chase after His goodness…but when I box Him, or limit what He can do, or turn my back on His goodness…then I am laughing at His name.  Yeah I know, not cool eh?

In other news, I spent a night and two days at a youth camp about an hour outside of Cape Town with one of the churches in the Parish.  I was running (along with some Warehouse folks) a Social Justice workshop.  I have come away so encouraged, not only by our wee group and their desire to partner with God in their pursuit of justice, but at how open these young people are to engage with God and to hear His voice.   It was so much fun to sit with this group and hear what makes their blood boil, what issues of poverty and injustice they wrestle with and to share some of my own inner screeches, (of which there are many!) and work together to direct those toward God.

STILL looking for a place to live but I’ve a few places to look at this week so…let’s hope for the perfect(ish) place!

Pete and Jonno are STILL in the UK (sorry, I know you didn’t necessarily know that but I wanted to roll with the STILL thing!) – they are trying to raise money for the work of Fusion and our plans for a Discipleship House. If you would like more information on this or would like to contribute to our work, holler and I’ll give you the details.

I am enjoying God a lot these days, He is teaching and shaping me and giving me a renewed hunger for His presence…!

Father,

May we be a people who don’t look down on the poor or the marginalised and feel pity;

May we be a church that doesn’t decide what God is going to do and then tell him through prayer;

May we be an organisation that fixes our eyes on Jesus and runs towards Him no matter what that looks like, unashamed of our call;

and may I be a disciple that declares His goodness, may my brokenness be healed and may I share with my girls in this journey of reconciliation with our Father.

The best way I can describe to you what the last three weeks have felt like is feeling the kindness of God on my life.  The time I spent in the Warehouse last year was a time of painful healing and lots of tears…this time, the tears remain (!) but they are tears of joy, of meeting with God and hearing from him and knowing his love for me.  It’s been incredible actually – I am enjoying God, I am remembering my love of prayer, I am being stretched and challenged in my thinking and pushed outside of my places of comfort but I feel so safe, I know God’s kindness.  And the more I become convinced of his kindness, the more I am able to step out, the more faith I have and the greater my desire to worship him with total abandonment.  It’s been pretty special.

Every morning the Warehouse has an hour of prayer before we get into our busyness.  We have spent a lot of time these past few weeks “sitting” in the Psalms and being challenged to sing scripture, to speak it out and to pray it.  Honestly, I’ve found it really difficult, the thought of singing aloud in a room of 30 people is not something that excites me but God is putting songs on my lips (very quietly!!) and I know that He is asking me to step out in this more and not worry what anyone around my might think.

Fusion

I’m not going to talk much about what we’re up to just yet, I wanted to introduce the people I spend ALL my time with.

Meet Jonno (Jonathan) and Pete

One of the Fusion founders, Jonno co-ordinates our team, he’s a resident in Manenberg, loves God, loves people and is dreaming of starting a midnight prayer walk with Fusion that engages with the community differently than our daytime prayer walks.

Pete, a fellow brit looooves being in Manenberg, loves praying for people, is incredibly enthusiastic about God and is dreaming of an outbreak of the Spirit on the streets of Manenberg and that the Discipleship House would become a “revival hub”.

Also with us at the moment are two interns from Union University, Natasha and Michele – they are wee legends and are slogging away doing work with our girls.

It’s been so great to come back to a team who are passion filled and inspirational.  Like I say, more on what happens day-to-day later but that’s me for now.  Keep praying.  Fusion is moving but we WILL NOT do that without God’s spirit moving with us.

Obviously there’s not masses of stories to tell yet but I just wanted to check in and put everyone’s mind at rest.  Right now, it’s a matter of house hunting, sorting out wee annoying bits of admin and spending lots of time catching up with some special people…but I don’t doubt that there will be news soon, it’s clear that Fusion are on the cusp of new and exciting things

Til then…

Anyways, I will be heading over to London around the 10th February (tbc) then my flight leaves Heathrow on the evening of the 14th (anyone planning on taking me out for a romantic dinner should have been a bit more organised hey?).  Once I arrive in Cape Town, I’ll probably take a few days settling in, start flat hunting but will pretty much be jumping in with both feet to Fusion and life at The Warehouse.

As promised, there are a few short films about some of the stuff I’ll be involved with.  This first one is about the Warehouse.  If you’re interested in finding out more, get in touch with me or check out their website:

www.warehouse.org.za

Below is a wee video showing you where Fusion is at right now…and introducing Pete, my team-mate! (NB. he is not the horse)

Pete also has a website with some information on it, feel free to sign up for his newsletters, they make for a challenging but inspiring read:

www.projectcapetown.org

There’s actually quite a lot of information in this post so I’m going to leave it there but I will write again soon.

He is before all things and IN HIM all things hold together.