I’m very excited to debut a possible short series…ok, she hasn’t agreed to that yet…but for now, here’s “Trish on the blog!”. My very beautiful, deep-thinking, Jesus-chasing mum sharing some heart food…
The last few months have seen some changes in me physically as I have stopped wearing make up and colouring my hair. Do I see myself any differently as a result? Sometimes I think I look okay and then I see a photo of myself and think – horror! Why does what I see in the mirror not be the same as a photo?. Am I blinded to my aging? My hair is now going to its natural colour which happens to be brown with lots of grey coming. The decision to do this was partly by changing my hairdresser who suggested it, partly monetary in not spending so much on a wasteful extravagance. I am on a learning curve with this as there are days when I appear to be fine, and there are other days when I look old and grey. I know this makes me sound so vain, and I don’t think that I am – but maybe!
In the middle of all this, I wonder how God sees me. He is not interested in my looks – if my hair is grey or I am wearing make up. It’s my heart and my mind He wants. He sees beyond what anyone else sees. Does He like it, or does He sometimes say, ” Oh dear, I don’t like that today.” I know that God delights in me, He loves me and loves my company, I am a daughter of the King, but I don’t always believe that in myself. The word insignificance has been coming through when I think of myself, my faith, my walk etc. I need to get rid of those lies which eat away at me and choose to start and carry on believing the truth.
Proverbs 16v31 says that Grey hair is a crown of splendour, it is attained by a righteous life. And maybe this is how I should view it. Any time I begin to look at myself or photos in a negative way, I am going to ask God to bring Psalm 139 to my mind, reminding me of how wonderfully made I am. God did not get anything wrong with the plans He had for designing me. Give me a grateful heart O God!
I was reading 1 Peter 3v4 where it says, “You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God….”
Do I even see that I have a beauty within? A gentle and quiet spirit? Maybe these are things that I need to be praying for?
I know that in the past (and maybe not that long ago) I would have called myself a people pleaser and tried to fit in whatever setting or group of people I was with, and be the sort of person I thought people expected me to be in that situation. Even how I dressed would depend on whom I was with. Should I not aim to please God first above all else and be a God pleaser instead?
In truth – there will be times when I may choose to wear make up and I may even colour my hair at some point. What I am learning is that I don’t need to do these things to please others or be accepted into social groupings or feel better about myself.
Where does this leave me? I would love to say that I am going to love every photo of me and think that my grey hair looks cool. This probably won’t happen, but I will try and obsess less about it and glow with the knowledge of how much I am loved, even on bad hair days!